My plan to go home, thwarted by someone else's schedule to take a vacation, got pushed through days after my supposed day to leave. It was fine. There really weren't anything important in line for my time. And, in a way, it turned out great.
I received a message from my baby asking me to hurry home coz he misses me. No feeling can ever describe it, knowing that someone is waiting for you and couldn't wait to see you. I was feeling more excitement than usual to be home. If only I can just close my eyes and be there when I open them. *sigh*
When I got home I spent time with mah babe. Not the same time I spend with him anymore though, coz things are different now, with him all grown up and all, but still it was time well spent. I loved the time he was with me even when we were just doing errands together. I bought him a few things, things that he had been asking for, and I glow inside knowing that he looked good with them on. We had our pictures taken, a project I've been meaning to do but just didn't have time with, and it turned out well. He is indeed all grown up and has turned into such a handsome young man. A very tall, handsome, young matinee idol. The glowing inside me just didn't stop *grin*. Motherly pride, heheheeh. *sigh*
Every time I'm in Dumaguete there is no telling what I will be doing. I'd often expect to just stay home and watch movies with the kids but sometimes friends come to call and I'd spend time with them too.
This time I did something really unexpected. With Julie, I changed something about me that I only dared to change once in my whole lifetime. It was actually by accident and I was surprised at myself for allowing it to happen. But then, I was in this state of mind that I should be changing my life. In the last minute, I decided to do it. :D (i bought a new wig, hahahahaha)
I have done this same thing before (i love talking in riddles, this way I'll know if people do get what I'm talking about or not). Still the same scary feeling but, hey, it was for free and he said he wanted to do it for me and loved seeing me so jazzed up about it. But I didn't do it again for a long time. After two years of that I missed the old me so it never entered my mind again let alone ponder over it. Julie was just waiting for my confirmation and I was in that awkward moment when everyone was looking at me waiting to say "Aye" or "Nay". I soooo hate being ambushed into making a decision, hehehhehe.
I was glad I did say yes. It came out better than I feared. I mean, physical change is hard for me coz I'm happy and contented of how I look (i've been given the gift of super confidence as friends and family may know). Let's just say I tend to keep myself as how I was born and didn't believe that a new me would improve my life, love, work or whatever. I don't even wear makeup for pete's sake!! I don't even know what retouch is until a friend said she'll be off to do that. Even my grandma said I should put some on sometimes. Hahahaha. And besides, I fear that my face might react to makeup, or any skin embellishments for that matter, and the outcome would be hideous (allergies and what not). Thanks but no thanks.
So there I was looking at myself and liking it more. It was something new. Talk about vanity. :D But is one vain when one wasn't anywhere near that deadly sin for more than 30 years? I think not. Its just the knowing that whatever I do I still feel good about myself (and look good mind you, ahihihiihi) and that is what matters. Its a step towards waking up and realizing you are in a different world and you still conquer the odds.
I just don't know how long I can keep this up. Women suffer the most in cases like these, don't they? Or maybe some women are more enthusiastic about it than others. Its the maintenance that's killing me!! And all these do's and don't's that seem to balance themselves out, if you think about it, but still you need to do it. No wonder I don't do it often. This thing on top of me is just soooo like makeup and other women's rituals, tedious and time consuming. I just laugh at myself for being such a woman. Hahahahah.
I'm glad that its not permanent and eventually I'll be the old me again. I'll be counting the days till I get it back and will embrace its return for years and years. :D No more damn rituals!! Maybe in the years after that will I consider doing it again.
For now I'll savor it. Although there's something about the old me that I want to go back to now (now na!). A touch of originality and simpleness. If you call unruly ordered chaos simple! Hahahaha.
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