.. ramblings of a nut job ~ 11.10.08

             I can't sleep.  I toss and turn and end up finishing a book I've been saving for two weeks.  I'm starting another one now but I'm almost half way through it.  For weeks sleep fails to come when it should. I tire my eyes answering puzzles and top it off with a book.  I do everything except clean the house and still I don't get tired.  The quiet of dawn makes it worse.  And no, I'm not on uppers.

             My only companions are the mp3s I listen and sing along with.  Thank God they're not soul music.  I'll prolly be tearing my hair out and start waxing the floor.  Still, Alternative Rock now tells about unrequited martyrdom.  Poor things.  How they rip out their hearts for the one they longed for or got away.  The things men do for love. Sheesh. 

             I feel guilty when I hear cars outside.  I know people are starting their day.  It makes me want to sleep in case they notice.  But I can't force myself to.  There is truth in the falsehood of pretensions.  How I envy the slumber the rest of the world had.  I won't have mine in an hour or two.  And that wouldn't be without help from Moi.  I have got to reset MY clock to the right time.  Feels like PST.

             The sun's peeping through the horizon now.  Arrrgh.  I'm starting to hate the last quarter of the year.  These longer nights shorter days bit is really getting to my unsettled nerves.  The rest of the country should go back to resetting THEIR clocks just like before so I wouldn't be too obvious.  Five in the morning already gives you that sunrise you'd love to see by the beach or on top of a mountain.  It's like mocking me for being in the very core of civilization. Too bad I don't hear a rooster around here or slippers and everything else I can throw will be flying over someone's backyard.

             Dammit!! Hinder's playing Better Than Me again.  I do love the voice but, for Pete sake, it's too early for nostalgia.  The man can really sing desperation and not ashamed of it.  Good for him.  The song does make you see that flicker of hope, though.  Hail to the women who really made a big impression on a man enough for him to regret and enough to make him kick himself hard in the B-hind.  Good job ladies!  Serves them right.  :D

             Don't look at me.  I'm just cheering for the women of the world.  They've come a long way, baby, and no one appreciates them more than other women.  Besides, I can do that for an hour or two.  Still can't sleep so I don't mind. It gives me something to do while I multi-task with Sudoku and crossword puzzle.  Nyahhaha.  Now where is that pack of Virginia Slims??

             The Bantays are barking now.  Prolly asking for breakfast.  Noisy dogs.  I'd bark at them to shut up if only I were sleeping and the moment the mysterious kisser is unmasked is cut short with the yip yapping of those Bantays but I don't have the right.  By the time I rest my eyes I wouldn't have a care in the world.  Even the Black Parade can't wake me up.  I'd be Counting Blue Cars by then.

             Tsk.  I wonder what it's like to spend your day waiting for food to be served and wag your tail and do tricks to make up for it.  Sounds like some men I've heard about.  Except men would say they are already outside if you shout “Bantay, out!” at them in the garden.  And they would also scream “Damn! Woman! You confuse me!!”  In that case, a woman is better off with Bantay.  *grin* 

             *sigh* Sometimes I wish I were afraid of the dark but my parents never believed in scaring their kids so they'd sleep.  No wonder all five of us sneak out of the house on Friday and Saturday nights.  In fact, during blackouts my parents used to light that big Petromax (so old school *grin*) and we'd all wait out with songs accompanied by my dad's guitar strumming.  And that goes on until the wee hours of the morning.  Even Bantay feels at ease.  Witching hour was a time for hot chicken soup in my family.  My parents taught us not to be afraid of the dark.  But they forgot to tell us to sleep early.  Grrrr.

             It's six in the morning now.  I'm still not in the verge of sleep.  My biggest consolation is I can turn the volume higher and let The Fray reaches a consensus because Chris Daughtry is still not Over You, err, her.  Prolly because Delilah is still wearing Plain White Ts and the Lifehouse makes you Blind.  Or Creed heard the Echo when Evan & Jaron shouted “Stop Feeling Too Damn Good or you'll Fallout Boy!!”  Oceans Away in the Calm Before The Storm David Cook shouted back “This Is How You Remind Me so Follow Me and Never Let Go.”

             Uh-huh.  I'm Hanging By A Moment turning into a Basket Case and someone would hafta Drive me somewhere Far Away if I Don't Stop Dancing.  Come Now, I Dare You To Move.  And don't bring that Photograph coz its Blurry anyway.  Hmmm.  I may be Unwell from riding that Sick Cycle Carousel.  I'm Barely Breathing.  I've had Better Days.  If Everyone Cared I'm just Trying To Find My Way in the Real World.  Pardon Me but I Think God Can Explain.

             Before this Hysteria becomes real, I have to go.  If I Could Be Like That I'll Spin Higher.  So 'bye for now.  I'll Be back and by then you can Take Me Away. Just Save It For Later.  By The Way, There Is Nothing Good About Goodbye.  I'll settle with what I can Give Forever.

             Ack!  Sleep, please come now.  Look what you made me do!!  I don't want to finish all artists and songs on my list!!  I'm shutting up now.  I'm so way Over My Head!!

.. why woman ~ 11.09.08

A typical woman wants to get married and have children and, God forbid, a house inside a white picket fence. To have a good relationship with the in-laws and friends from the other side (sounds scary, hahhahah) and, of course, a kind and loving husband that can provide food and shelter for the family, and the occasional clothes, jewelry, shoes, trip to Macau or Hawaii, is a chance a woman won't pass. Well, it wouldn't hurt to have an exact copy of that wonderful bathroom from Home Designs or even a kitchen you have been dreaming about. Maybe twice a month you spend an entire day shopping? Admit it ladies, there is no harm in hoping we get all the nice things in the world. To most, love should be present in all those chances. To others, love can either be in or out of the equation. *grin* But who's still typical nowadays?

Some gals want to hook them a big fish someday and live happily ever after. Some want to have their career rise up to the highest possible heights so they won't need to depend on a man. Others wait for true love to come, sometimes end up cursing fate for not hurrying up. And, still, others give fate a little nudge, in case it forgot for a moment that they are waiting. Summing it all up women have one thing in common. They don't want to grow old alone.

In my thirty-something years (let's keep it that way, hahaahha) I have met quite a number of women with different views about family, marriage, money, love and destiny. They have two sides in keeping a family together, with or without them. Money is either saved or spent, and what ever life gives them they would either receive with thanks or improve and make something greater. Marriage and love, however, changes a woman.

A woman in love has this certain glow that you just can't help but notice. To have patiently waited for it they, subconsciously, want everyone to know that love has arrived. Once in love they climb all the mountains, swim every sea, and spend the rest of their hours on the phone with HIM after saying goodbye on the way to work thirty minutes ago. They can't stop talking about their good fortune and, sometimes, give unwanted advice on how to find your own. Everyday with them is like dating their man, watching movies with him, having drinks with their Mr. Right and knowing all the good things about him, except you haven't met him yet. But don't get too comfortable, it's hands off for the rest of womankind. *grin* They know snakes when they see one.

Marriage completes the change in a woman. This is when you'll see the sacrifices she makes that she wouldn't even dream of when she was in college. She endures the pain and trials that life will throw at her only to stay by her man's side. Once she says “I do!” the word compromise has been etched in stone in her vocabulary. She'll learn to cook, wash clothes and be the best wife she can be. Meeting her again, after not seeing her for so many years, you will find great wisdom and a copy of her recipe for Adobo that her husband just love so much.

Years have passed and women still want the same things. But now, they are much stronger in their resolve to get what they want. Everything is in the eyes. Look at them and you'll see a woman's soul. The eyes hold contentment in the life that they have. It also holds dreams that haven't come true yet. But don't be fooled. Behind that laugh there is still that devious scheme that, someday, she’ll have that sparkling diamond bracelet and her man can't do anything about it but pay for it. :D