There are some things we miss so much. Moments we had all to ourselves and/or times shared with others. Good or bad remembering them always make your thoughts trail away and leave you staring blankly at the floor, the ceiling, a chair leg, your messy table or anything your eye landed on the moment you drifted off to nowhere. (I always get a kick out of watching people’s faces when they trail off in the middle of a sentence *grin*). Its amazing how people can shut off everyone else like that. I know I have.
Although I still tune in to my surroundings (I read with both my eyes and ears) there are those moments when I turn off the volume on everything other than my thoughts. Music may still linger and, in fact, may intensify the level of remembering. Laughter or sudden noise may snap me out of reverie but I respond in slow motion. Or I come back to reality once the memories are squeezed out of my system. But still there are times when I refuse to stop. These rare times are when the thoughts are just too wonderful to let go.
Like everyone else I revisit the good times. The times I felt happy and life was so good. Remembering going home, being home and wanting to stay home never fails to fill my days dreaming. I fill my days remembering the excitement of going home, seeing the kids and the rest of the family and dumping myself in front of the television. They say a bum doesn’t choose a place of idle but nothing is more fulfilling than bumming at home where I can sleep beside Sean while the tv is on, wake up next to Jade watching another show, and discuss motives, crimes, art, wit, tricks, verdicts, advance technology, four elements bending, and a lot more, with Dart & Sean.
Remembering fun and happy times with VERY good friends is also one of the best memories I always go back to. These people have given me a family outside my home. They became my sisters, brothers, warmth, love, advocates, freedom fighters and comfort. There’s always a shoulder to rest my head, a soothing voice to calm me and love to have when I thought I lost it. For years they provided me with that place thats so like home yet different in some ways. I swelled with pride in their success, held their hands through treacherous times, stayed awake with them on soul-searching nights, provided solace in my heart and fought for them while they regained their strength. Come to think of it, we had fun through the pain each of us went through. Someone is always there. No one is ever alone.
Then there’s that time when love was given and love proclaimed. Love was kept and love was proven. Love was always around and everything was okay. Being on top of the hill, under the moon, by the beach, driving around and the smell of content. The admiration, the laugher, the warm hands that held on, the arms that protects, the gifts not expected and the little things that mattered. Love that waits, love that understands, love that forgives and love that can be forgiven. One that doesn’t judge, and the one who waits. Ahh. Such good times. We’ve all been through that.
Lastly, the best times are when I am alone. The quiet in the mornings, the extended sleep till noon, the books I can read and the tasks I set for myself. After all the chaos a little quiet can definitely do so much. Being around no one allows me to reflect on how my life is and what my goals for the next day are. I get to relax and be want I want to be. I stop everything and loosen my nerves. I’m content when I breeze through the day doing nothing. And at the end of it all, I give thanks for the things and the people I have in my life. No amount of money can compare to the wealth that I possess. I miss those times. I love being on my own because it defines me.
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